Fidelitas
by Melorian
Summary: Harry was kidnapped by Voldemort as a baby. James lived while Lily did not, and James suffers from survivor's guilt. When the truth comes out James has to cope with a son loyal to a Dark Lord and Harry has some very difficult choices to make. No pairing.


A/N 

Okay, I am attempting to write my first ever fanfiction. You have no idea how nervous I am. I know I've taken a plot which is often used, but I have a feeling I've got my own little twists in here that make it a little different. I have the entire thing planned out. It's only going to be about four or five chapters. This chapter is all I have written so far though, and I am busy and lazy so I don't know when I'll update.

Summary: Harry was kidnapped by Voldemort as a baby. James lived, Lily did not. The truth eventually comes out and Harry has to make some very difficult choices.

I just wanted to say first though that this story, although one of those 'Harry gets kidnapped by Voldemort' ones, is not really about Harry, (although of course he has a major part), but **James is the central character**, and it is all from his POV (but not 1st person – I hate 1st person narratives.) I love reading about family relationships put through difficult times - Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors because of this – and I really wanted to try my hand at it. I love angst and tragedy. So expect quite a bit of that too. **This is all about emotions.**

Oh I'm also kinda pretending that the sixth and seventh books never happened. No Hallows, no horcruxes, well possibly one, &c. This is because I had this idea originally just after the fifth book came out. So the prophecy is the same, but I don't set much store by it. Oh also, to avoid future disappointment, my Harry is different from other Harries in these kind of stories. He is not evil, or badass, or especially talented. I give my reasons for this later in the story. As you will see it makes a lot more sense my way… :P

Oh there are no pairings in this story. Besides the James/Lily and the Sirius/OFC of course, this is just convenient. I meant there will be no pairings for Harry. At all. It doesn't fit the story. Besides I'm not that good at writing romantic relationships… I tend to prefer genships.

Fidelitas

Chapter One

James stood awkwardly underneath the arch of the roodscreen. To his left stood Sirius, appearing just as uncomfortable in a muggle suit and tie. Getting married in a church, muggle-style, had been Lily's idea, and although James had vetoed the idea heavily apparently he had not actually been allowed any say in the matter. When asked how he felt about the idea by his beautiful fiancée he thought that meant he could say no. He could not. Lily's mind was set and Sirius had spent several weeks making whipping noises.

James tugged at his tie. It was too tight and he could not breathe. How he longed to be able to wear robes. Muggle clothes could be so uncomfortable. And why was Lily not here yet? The woman hired to play the organ finished a tune, looked at her watch, tutted and pulled out another music book. Idly wondering if Lily had stood him up James stared out at the guests seated in the pews. There was Peter, sitting with that girl Siobhan or was it Sinead? It was something unpronounceable. Peter caught his eye and winked at him. A row back sat Remus, who was staring at one of the stained glass windows. On the other side sat his mother, and he felt a pang as his eyes passed over her, sadness at the fact that his father had not lived to see him get married. At the front on his left sat Lily's mother, looking incredibly cheerful, wearing a large sun hat and beaming. Seeing Rachel reminded James of the rest of his wife's family. He looked over towards the back of the church and, yes, there was Petunia. She didn't seem to be with anyone, although Lily had said that she'd asked her sister to bring her husband. Well that was no big loss.

Then the church doors opened Lily swept down the aisle clutching her father's arm. Behind her walked her two best school friends, and behind them walked the church choir. Lily really had wanted the whole shebang. When he saw her, looking so beautiful and so happy, James forgot all of his misgivings about having a muggle church wedding, and soon enough they were married.

It was over far too quickly. There was the reception, held in a field behind Lily's childhood home, where he ordered Sirius to run interference to prevent Lily and Petunia from meeting. The weather had been perfect until about four O' clock when, typically, it began to rain, and the rest of the day was conducted indoors.

That was the day James always considered to be the best day of his life. Better than the day Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup in his sixth year, his first year as Captain. Better than the day Lily agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to accompany him to Hogsmede and even better than the day she agreed to marry him. The only day that gave this day a run for its money was the day, five months later, when she told him that she was pregnant.

The first year of their marriage was an eventual year. Lily got pregnant, his mother died, Voldemort made increasing attempts to get James to join him, he found out that someone close to him was spying on him, and then Lily's parents were found killed and the tentative friendship she had tried to recover with her sister was completely lost. Lily cried a lot throughout May and June. James distrusted everyone and threw himself into working for the Order, newly founded by Dumbledore to counteract Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It was because of the Order of the Phoenix that Voldemort was having such a difficult time achieving his aims.

All of these problems faded away when, on the morning of the 31st of July, Lily gave birth to a son. It was when he was holding his son in his arms that James knew that he and Lily must stop taking risks. With a heavy heart James told Dumbledore that he could no longer help out with the Order. Several Order members had been killed recently, it was believed that Voldemort had knowledge of who was in it and was targeting them. James could no longer endanger himself, or Lily herself, not now that they had a baby to take of. They cut themselves off from everyone, apart from their closest friends, and Dumbledore of course, and tried to pretend that there was no war, that life was perfect.

This happiness lasted a year. Three days after Harry turned one Dumbledore came to visit them. He had been very grave. Firstly he had told them that they now knew for certain that someone close to them had been compromised. And secondly he had told them about a prophecy that had come recently to his knowledge. A prophecy that put two children in danger: Harry and the Longbottom's son, Neville.

'It is imperative,' Dumbledore said, 'that you take better measures to conceal yourselves. This is not a thing to be taken lightly. Voldemort fully believes in this prophecy, and he will stop at nothing to prevent Harry from being a danger to him.'

'We've already put up protections,' Lily said. 'I was always good at charm work.'

'Regrettably, though worthy of admiration, your charms are not enough,' Dumbledore told her, 'they would not stop someone of Voldemort's considerable ability.'

'What can we do?' asked James, he had Harry on his lap and was holding him tightly, too tight for Harry gave an indignant shriek and tried to twist away.

'I have a suggestion,' said Dumbledore. He was about to carry on, but then Lily spoke over him.

'Why my son?' she asked. 'Why Neville? What's so special about either of them?'

'I have my guesses,' said Dumbledore, 'but nothing of substance. If I find out anything I will immediately inform you, of course. For now, however, I find it of the utmost importance that you keep yourselves safe, well hidden.'

Lily nodded emphatically and seized Harry from James' lap. She kissed him on the forehead and whispered something into his ear. She looked up at James and wiped at her eyes.

'There is a charm, the _Fidelius_. It is very powerful, and not commonly in use. Your whereabouts will be bound in the soul of a person who you choose to keep your secret. They, and only they, will be able to disclose your whereabouts.'

'I'll do it,' said James at once. Lily nodded but Dumbledore raised his hand. 'It has to be someone on the outside,' he says. 'Someone not being hidden.'

'Sirius will do it,' said James. 'What do you think?' he asked Lily.

'May I remind you,' said Dumbledore, 'that someone close to you is passing on important information. It is possible that it could be Sirius Black.'

'Impossible,' said James. 'Sirius is closer to me than a brother could be. He was going to go into hiding himself.'

Dumbledore looked doubtful, 'I will offer myself to keep your secret,' he said. 'This is far too important a matter to place trust into the hands of…'

'Someone who I trust with my _life_,' said James. 'I would trust him with my life, with Lily's and with Harry's.'

'He's Harry's godfather,' said Lily. 'You don't need to worry, sir,' she continued. 'I trust Sirius too. He'll see us right. How do we do the charm?'

'I'll pass you all the information I have,' said Dumbledore. 'I cannot be involved, only you and the secret keeper can be.'

He stood up to leave. 'I beg you to reconsider,' he said as he put on his hat, 'you know how to contact me. Imagine for a moment if you're mistaken. Is it worth the danger?'

'Goodbye, Dumbledore,' said James firmly.

As he shut the door behind Dumbledore and after he heard the crack of apparition he leant against the door frame and closed his eyes. Lily emerged from the sitting room, Harry in his arms.

'I can't believe this,' she said, standing by him. He put an arm around her waist and she leant against him. 'I can't believe Voldemort wants to kill our baby, all for some _prophecy,' s_he spat the word. 'Divination is such a murky subject, it's probably all rubbish anyway.'

'Rubbish or not,' said James, '_he _believes it.' He stared down at his son. 'Dumbledore's right. This is too important to take lightly. If you don't want Sirius we can use someone else.'

She shook her head. 'As you said, James,' she said, 'we trust him. He's said 'no' to Voldemort more times than can be counted, he ran away from his family, watched his brother get destroyed by that lot. He would never betray you.'

The charm took a couple of months to research, nail biting months, wherein James and Lily covered their home in every protection spell they could think of, every day wondering if that would be the day Voldemort would come. There had been no attempts to get Harry however, and it was in September that they were able to begin casting the charm. In the end, although Sirius had agreed, they did change their minds. It had been Sirius who had urged them to reconsider. He told them that everyone knew of the closeness between him and James. Voldemort would not hesitate to capture Sirius and try to bleed every bit of information out of him. They needed someone no-one would ever expect.

It would take a long time for James to forgive Sirius for urging them to pick Peter. Small Peter, who everyone knew had not a single brave bone in his body. At school it had been a running joke that Peter had bribed the sorting hat into putting him into Gryffindor.

As it turned out, Peter had been the worst choice.

On the 22nd of October the charm was complete, and for the first time since that fateful day in July when Dumbledore told them of the prophecy, James and Lily felt relaxed. How long they would be in hiding they had no idea, but surely Voldemort could not be around for long. He was no match against Dumbledore. It went without saying that neither James nor Lily ever gave the prophecy any credence. The very idea that their son might be the one to destroy Voldemort sent shivers down their spines, and they refused to believe it. It was just a matter of waiting it out.

Just over a week later Peter showed his true colours.

James had been in the sitting room, entertaining his son with colourful bubbles from his wand when he felt odd. It felt as though he had been stripped bare for all to see, and a wash of panic soared throughout his body. Seizing Harry he called for Lily.

'It's him,' he said, 'I know it. He's found us.'

It was at that moment that the front door crashed open loudly.

'Take Harry and run,' he said, thrusting his son into Lily's arms, 'I'll hold him off.'

He heard Lily race up the stairs and he grasped him wand firmly and went out to die. He had expected to die. He didn't care what happened to him as long as Lily and Harry got out. All they needed was time to get away. And for a while he thought he had died.

He had only just caught a glimpse of the most dangerous dark wizard the world had ever seen when he had been knocked into unconsciousness by some curse. When he came to it was dark, he was alone and surrounded by rubble.

His first thought was Lily, and then he thought of Harry. He pulled himself to his feet, found his wand and said 'lumos.'

His house was destroyed. With a strangled yell he began searching through the rubble, throwing aside sentimental objects in his frantic search for his wife and son. He was yelling their names loudly into the night.

It was then that Sirius arrived. James heard the motorbike but made no movement to greet his friend. He was kneeling in the rubble staring down at his wife's lifeless body when Sirius came up behind him.

'I came as quick as I could,' said Sirius, 'I knew something was up when Peter… Oh god,' he said as he saw what James was staring at. He collapsed to his knees next to his friend. 'Oh god James, I should've got here sooner.'

James did not hear any of this. He could not tear his eyes away from his dead wife. His Lily. Her eyes were open but he couldn't bring himself to shut them. He touched her hand and felt himself begin to cry.

'Where's Harry?' he said out loud. 'Find him. God, Sirius, find him.'

Sirius began to search in the rubble next to him.

'Please please please,' he heard James whisper. 'I'll do anything, but let him be alive. Oh please.' Sirius' eyes began to water. He did not feel hopeful. If Harry was alive he would be crying. _Maybe he's unconscious _he thought.

His hopes were dashed when he heard James gave a strangled yell and hurled himself to the ground. He knew what James had found.

_I'm going to kill you Peter,_ he thought viciously. _That's a promise._

The bodies were buried a week later. It was a small funeral, as no-one wanted to draw attention to themselves. They were buried outside the small church in Godric's Hollow. James had been silent throughout the entire proceedings. Sirius had fumed, vowing revenge, feeling relieved for many reasons that James survived. Dumbledore had shown up not long after James had uncovered Harry's lifeless body. Sirius had never seen Dumbledore look so furious and deadly and he had his wand aimed straight at Sirius. James had been incoherent with grief but somehow managed to get the message across that Sirius had not been responsible.

James stared down at the tombstone. It was inscribed only with their names and dates. He stroked his son's name with a shivering finger and did not care that he was crying. Harry had only been a year old. When Harry had been born he'd had so many plans for his future. Teaching him how to fly, giving him the Marauders' Map, the cloak, sending him off to Hogwarts… All his hopes and dreams dashed. It was at that instant that he knew he wanted to die. How could his life continue when the only things he had ever lived for were dead? He didn't even want revenge. All he wanted was for the pain to end.

No-one, not even Dumbledore, realised that the body of Harry they had buried was actually an extremely clever piece of spell work, and that he had not been killed, but was now currently residing in a secret place under the care of a faithful servant of Lord Voldemort, to be brought up to be loyal beyond measure to the man prophecy had destined him to kill.

~~~##~#~~

No-one saw James for eight years, and no-one ever found out where he had gone during those years. Three days after the funeral he had vanished. The Order were too busy coping with a sudden surge of increased Death Eater activity within the Muggle World to be able to spare the time to conduct a surge, and Sirius had poured his entire being into hunting down Peter Pettigrew and getting justice for James' family.

Three years after the events of Halloween 1981 all attacks stopped. No-one could understand it, and Dumbledore was just as flummoxed as everyone else. Initially people thought it was just the calm before the storm, so to speak, and the Wizarding World was on tenterhooks, waiting for Voldemort's final and most lethal blow. But it never came.

Another year passed and word spread from an unknown source that Voldemort had given up, or had been killed. It seemed an anti-climatic end to a war that had been raging for ten years but there was nothing to disprove the fact that the war had ended. Dumbledore and the Order were convinced that this had been some tactic of Voldemort's to get the Wizarding World off its guard, and the Order remained fully formed long after the Ministry had decided that all threats had evaporated.

Sirius, never having been able to find Peter, vowed never to give up his search. He sent letters to James, urging him to come back, never knowing if James was actually receiving his letters. The letter he had sent telling James of Remus' death, killed by a werewolf called Greyback, had been retuned unopened, and it pained Sirius that James did not know of one of their best friends' death. Every October 31st he spent the day in the graveyard at Godric's Hollow hoping that James would show up, but he never did.

He met a woman, who had been in the year below at Hogwarts, a Hufflepuff called Sandra. They had a son together, called Cepheus, but they did not get married until a few years after his birth. Their relationship had almost ended after Cepheus was born. Sirius had felt guilty upon having a son, guilty that he had something that had been taken away from James, and he did not mention Cepheus in any of his letters. It was also painful to remember what James had said to him on the day Harry was born.

'It's a boy,' James had said triumphantly. 'I win the bet!' Sirius had let out a groan but did not mean it. How could he when his best friend looked so happy?

'I'll write you an IOU,' he'd said, sticking his tongue out. 'Lily okay?'

'Course,' said James. 'You must see him.' He said excitedly, pulling Sirius into the room, 'we're calling him Harry, after Lily's grandfather, you know.' He said.

'You're godfather,' James said, placing a small, writhing pink thing in Sirius' arms.

'Aren't you supposed to ask my permission for that?' Sirius had asked, fiddling with one of the baby's fingers, marvelling at how small he was.

'You okay, Lily?' he'd asked. She nodded. 'I feel about ready to collapse,' she said. James had joined her on the bed and Sirius felt strangely empty and out of place as he watched them together.

'You need to get one,' Lily said, pointing at her son. Sirius grimaced and handed Harry over to her, and she cuddled him close.

'You need to have a little girl,' said James, 'and they can get married when they're older.'

'What if it's a boy,' Sirius teased, 'and they fall in love?'

Lily summoned up the energy to throw a pillow at him. It missed by several feet and she flopped back heavily against the bed head. 'I don't care as long as I have lots of grandchildren,' she'd said.

'You got to watch this one,' James said to his son, 'she'll be making arrangements for your wedding as soon as you leave school.'

This was one of the many memories that haunted Sirius whenever he looked at his son. By rights James, Lily and Harry should still be here. James should tease him about the fact that Sirius had chosen a constellation name for his son although he had said he would never follow family tradition. Harry and Cepheus should have grown up together and become trouble makers at school, and best friends.

It was painful.

James returned in summer 1989. Sirius had not really been expecting him to show. He'd sent a note telling James that he would be getting married on the 6th July, but he was certain that he'd get no reply. That was the year Harry would have turned nine. It was also the year that Cepheus turned four, and Sandra had decided that the kid needed parents who were in a proper relationship. Sirius guessed that this was a cover, meaning that she wanted more children and she was fed up of her parents thinking that she was stuck in a dead end relationship. So there was Sirius, doing something he thought he would never ever agree to: getting married.

They got married in the garden of their house. Sirius had long since sold Grimmauld Place. When Cepheus was born Sirius, putting aside his hatred of his childhood home, had offered that Sandra and his son live there, because it was roomy and Sandra had no where else to go. Sandra had taken one look at it and told him that he was selling the place. He had happily agreed, and they had brought a large house in the East Midlands, in the countryside, miles away from anywhere. It also had a very large garden, and it was here they got married. And it was here that Sirius saw James for the first time in eight years.

It was after the ceremony, and Sirius was meandering round the guests searching for his son when he literally bashed into James, and spilt his drink all over his own dress robes. He did not care though that his best robes were covered in liquid when he saw who he had bumped into.

'James,' he whispered. 'You're here. I can't believe you're here!' He dropped his glass and threw his arms around his friend. James hugged him back tightly.

'I've missed you so much,' said Sirius thickly, 'you have no idea.'

'I couldn't miss your wedding,' James said with a small smile. 'I've been getting your letters. They've meant a lot to me.'

'Are you back?' asked Sirius.

James chewed on his bottom lip.

'I insist you stay for a few days,' Sirius said before James could say he was rushing off into voluntary exile again.

'You've just got married,' James said with a grin, 'I couldn't possibly…'

'Stuff and nonsense,' said Sirius, waving a hand. 'Sandra's got a tonne of relatives staying. Her Parents, an elderly aunt and a three year old nephew. I can have a guest if I want. Especially one as important as you.' He flung an arm around James' shoulders and led him towards Sandra.

'I demand you meet her,' he said, 'she's lovely.'

'Well, you're just biased,' James said.

'Daddy?' came a small voice from near the floor. Sirius froze.

'Oh…' he said. He let go of James and grabbed his son's hand.

'This is…' he began, but he fell silent at the look on James' face. If Sirius had had any hopes that James might have healed in the eight years he had been away they were all dashed at the look of naked pain that was evident in his face. James' eyes were full of such longing as they looked at his four year old son that Sirius almost felt his eyes well up.

'You… have a son,' said James finally.

'I'm Cepheus,' said the boy, delighted to meet someone new, he twirled himself round his father's arms and grinned up at James. At least, Sirius thought, the boy looked like Sandra, had her blue eyes, her brown hair. There was nothing in him that could remind James at all, looks wise, of Harry.

James caught Sirius' eye and Sirius caught a flash of something he couldn't quite recognise. Was it jealousy? Envy? And then it was gone.

'Now I know why you got married,' James teased, 'perhaps there's already another on the way huh?'

'God, I hope not,' said Sirius with feeling, and then mentally punched himself. What a completely crass and unfeeling thing to say. James seemed not to notice.

'He's lovely, Sirius,' said James, 'you should be proud.'

'Oh I am,' said Sirius hastily as Cepheus pulled away from him and ran towards one of Sandra's sisters.

'I'd love to stay for a while,' James said, 'It's nice to be back. Is Remus here?'

_Damn_, thought Sirius, _he_ _doesn't know about Remus._

'He couldn't make it,' he said out loud. There was no way he was getting into this on his wedding day. He led James over to Sandra and introduced them, his mind on how to try to encourage James to stay, and not go running off again.

A/N

I'm sorry I killed Remus off. He just couldn't fit into my story well. This story is about three people really – James, Sirius and Harry, and I love Remus too much to let him be an unimportant side character so I had to 'do away' with him. I know that not much happens in this chapter but that is because I needed to set the scene and the characterisation. In the next chapter we meet Harry and angsty stuff ensues. This will not be a sweet buttercups and daisies, everyone walks home happy story. I hate stories like that.

Apologies if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes. I looked, but I know I probably didn't get them all.


End file.
